i have nothing left to give
no profound words
no brilliant strokes of the brush
no wit
no shoulder upon which to cry
even these words
these words
are the last fetid gasp
of the dying
everything i loved
about myself
has washed away
i am nothing
He is turned away
from me
this stranger
lost in his own world
and I wonder
what it would be like
to know him
to ease his pain
to speak softly to him
to touch his hand
offer comfort
I wonder about the woman
it's always about a woman
who scarred him so
I wonder about
his love for her
what would it be like
to be loved by him
I wonder at his coldness
to the world
could my love melt it
could he let me in
no
he could never love me
I close my eyes
and lay my head back down
on his bed
and spend the night alone
beside this stranger
I killed her
Every day
With cruel words
And poison touch
Eating at her heart
Til she bled and bled
All over me
And I drank it down
She tried to run
I beat her down
She drowned herself
And I pushed her in
Holding her under
Told her it was
What she deserved
She drowned in it
Drowned in rum til
Grief broke her heart
Red hands
Stare back at me
In sleepless nights
I scrub and scrub
Skin cracks and bleeds
Even fresh blood
Cannot cleanse the stain
Murderer
I can feel the whisper
In the back of my skull
Ebbing and flowing
Like the sea
Incarnadine
God save me
She stands quiet
still
a tense thrum
Her fixed gaze
looking
taking it all in
Her heart beats
wildly
pounding in her still flesh
She counts breaths
slow
to keep her emotions down
It's about
Control
Don't let it show, Don't let it show
I won't let them make me feel again.
Is there nothing left between us now?
Besides bitterness and pain.
Is there nothing left of joy,
Nothing left of our good days?
And if there's nothing left,
Why can't I just walk away?
I burn the pages
I don't want to look
Don't want to see what
I felt yesterday
Let it all slip away
Curling into ash
Never to cut me again
When you write in the storm
You capture it
Crystallize it
And it becomes a very private
Part of you
And you can't face that
After the storm
It's too honest
Too real to bear
So the pages burn
Singeing my fingers
I look at you
All I can see is the pain
You try so hard to smile
but it doesn't make things change
And I can't help you
I can't play the hero
Can't help you fight the fight
'Cause it's your body that you're fighting
Well, it just doesn't seem right
We're both too young for this pain
Both too tired for this fight.
When you bury me
Bury me on a hill
Close to the sky
Lay me to rest
Beside the roots
Of a willow tree
When I am gone
Stop and sit awhile
Share life with me
As I share life with you
When your eyes open
For the first time
You will see me
As you come home
I will hold you
Close to my heart
When you start speaking
I'll sit and listen
Share life with me
As I share life with you